I missed a day on this, broke a resolution but heck i kept many others. 
Had band prac today with the boy and his mate Dave. My bass skills are soo much better. I hardly fucked up. takes me a while to find the write cord but for someone who hadnt played jack in a month or more i was goood. I never realised how much i love our music. Its soo good. The drummer is pissing me off. He never NEVER shows up to rehearsal, the bastard. I need him to treat the band seriously and to treat me seriously but to him i'm just his best mates gf. As IF. I pull my weight. I never miss a rehearsal. I havent missed a SINGLE one. We got so pissed at him that i invited another drummer over but he had no kit :( so we just hung out and talked and such.

xMx came over to the boys and they sat besides each other and it was weird because i could compare them. Turns out he is scottish too. WHATS WITH ME AND SCOTTISH BOYS? Well, the boy was so much more ttractive etc but something still attracted me to xMx. Probably because he was giving me the attention i needed. I was thinking of going over there tomorrow for a good fuck. Except, i had sex with the boy today and felt nothing. I LOVE my boy and if that cant make me feel sex then theres no way some random can make me feel good. i dont know how i used to do it in the past to Fry but i cant anymore. The boy means so much to me. Its PATHETIC because i cant help myself be happy. Sleeping with ppl makes me happy but now even thinking of it makes me guilty. Even moreso now that we have had a convo to discuss whats up with us. 

We have lost the spark which enables us to be passionate. But we're still in love. We need to rekindle that because i still love him and him me but we just dont feel it anymore. I am not quitting. I am going to stand my ground. He is the best thing to ever happen to me and i'll be damned if i let this lull get the better of us.

I was going to go to xMx but then i realised i'd rather go to the boys and sleep beside him than sleep with xMx tomorrow. 

I MISS YOU BOY.
Xox
B!

Tags: band, drummer, missing him, music, talks, the boy, xmx
Current Location: bedroom, house
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: a forest- the cure